Recently, Morgan* and I were at a Healthy Relationships seminar that I was hosting at Essex County College. Morgan* is one of my best friends from high school. As we were listening to a story from a survivor of domestic abuse, Tanya Antonio, we individually and collectively came to understand that without the physical abuse, Morgan’s relationship was very much, if not identical, to the one Tanya was describing. Was it possible that Morgan was a victim of domestic abuse?
I decided on my own to look up information about domestic abuse. I would like to share with you what I learned.
First, let’s get clear on the terms domestic abuse and domestic violence. Domestic abuse describes any intimate relationship between two people where one tries to control/dominate the other. When physical abuse is added to the mix, it is then called domestic violence. It is very possible to be emotionally and psychologically abused and no physical abuse is present. Although one may believe that physical abuse is worse than emotional abuse, in reality it’s just as severely damaging. What makes emotional abuse a great threat is that it tends to get overlooked especially by the abused. Also, it can happen to anyone, heterosexuals/homosexuals, men and women. Domestic abuse tactics includes name calling, intimidation, domination, threats, humiliation, denial/blame, and isolation.
Domestic abuse chips away at one’s sense of self-esteem and independence and usually precedes physical violence. It can leave one feeling depressed, helpless, and alone. It may feel as if the person has no way out or nothing without their controlling partner. I don’t believe our society is well-versed in emotional/psychological abuse as they are physical. In an effort to change that, I will provide clues that given by Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D on www.helpguide.org that can help you identify signs of emotional and psychological abuse.
FEAR OF YOUR PARTNER IS THE BIGGEST TELLING SIGN THAT YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. One should never be afraid of someone they are intimate with. If you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells, you may want to reconsider your relationship.
WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE
Someone who is being abused:
- Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner
- Go along with everything their partner says and does
- Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing
- Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner
- Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness
Someone who is physically abuse may:
- Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents”
- Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation
- Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors)
Someone who is being isolated by their abuser:
- Be restricted from seeing family and friends
- Rarely go out in public without their partner
- Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the ca
Psychological signs of someone who is abused are:
- Having very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident
- Showing major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn)
- Being depressed, anxious, or suicidal
Now, according to the website. It is still abuse if:
1. The abuse has happened only once or twice
2. The abuse doesn’t seem as bad as what others are going through
3. the abuse only stops when you become passive
4.there is no physical abuse involved.
Light must be shed on emotional/psychological and our society well-versed in it so that we do not wait until physical abuse happens Please spread the information to everyone and anyone that you know.
No one deserves to be abused where psychologically, emotionally or physically. I advised you to go to the website, www.helpguide.org, to obtain further information.
If you are being abused you can call:
Women: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1(800) 799.7233 (SAFE)
Men: The Domestic Abuse Helpline 1(888) 743-5754
Schuyler J's 